Patiently Waiting for One Green Boot

https://vimeo.com/112947154

It’s ironic how sometimes you stumble upon the answers to life’s most perplexing problems in highly unlikely places.  I had just such an enlightening moment after reading the children’s story The Blue Shoe by Peter Reynolds.

Children’s stories are like that; they teach us simple life lessons in an uncomplicated straightforward manner.  I think as adults we unwittingly make things more difficult than they need to be.  Now normally I don’t pick up children’s books, even award-winning celebrated ones like this one to read for my own pleasure. I’d like to think my reading tastes are a bit more advanced.  However on this occasion I was looking at various children’s stories for inspiration for the young students in my writing classes.  For my innocent exuberant audience I wanted something short, simple containing some sort of lesson, something with a universal moral similar to Aesop Fables.  I fondly remember as a kid I just loved those stories.  The premise of The Blue Shoe is quite simple – a shoe is looking for its “sole” mate.

After reviewing the story, I immediately saw its uncanny relevance to my own life.  In fact I laughed out loud and continued laughing so heartily that tears spilled down my cheeks.  Like the blue shoe, I too am progressing through my solitary journey looking for my own soul mate.  I know that my journey would be much more delightful with an amiable companion, perhaps another blue shoe thus creating the perfect pair.  In fact, I've been searching high and low for just the right match.  Oh how misguided I am!  Maybe it’s not a blue shoe at all that will make my soul sing; apparently it’s a green boot. 

I suppose the universe is serendipitous that way and provides you the answers you seek in the most unexpected places. It’s not quite the match I envisioned, but as my journey continues I’ll be sure to be on the lookout for a marvelous green boot.

Cue the swell of romantic music and the sunset….while I'm waiting, a cup of tea sounds lovely.

Wind Chill Advisory and Unexpected Detours

We are currently under a wind chill advisory until tomorrow morning and school was cancelled due to the dangerously low temperatures.  So I am home - cold, alone and thinking.  The cold can be easily remedied by putting on my favorite cozy comfy blue sweater and thick woolly socks. The alone and thinking part may be not as easily remedied. When I find myself teetering at the ledge of that emotional precipice - I write.

I rather enjoy sitting here in the quiet alone with my thoughts.  In a little more than a month I'll turn 52 and I can honestly say I am not where I thought I would be at this stage of my life.  Being alone in my middle years wasn't exactly part of my plan; it's been an unexpected detour to say the least. While some parts of my life are absolutely wonderful - I have an incredibly exquisite grown daughter who amazes me everyday with her compassion, intellect and zest for life.  I consider myself so fortunate to be her mother.  I am blessed to work in a career that brings me untold joy and I feel like I am making a difference in this world - at least I hope I am to my students. I am lucky to have amazing caring friends who surround me with their love and support at every juncture of my life.  The only area that falls short is my romantic life or should I say my lack of one.  It's not for lack of trying either.  Since I rejoined the dating pool less than two short years ago I have met and enjoyed dates with some very interesting wonderful gentlemen.  But there is only ONE who I cannot seem to forget.  For reasons I do not fully understand our time together was cut short.

Like an inquisitive scientist I have dissected and analyzed every moment trying to understand and unravel the mystery of the undeniable pull he had over me. Was it the timing of our encounter and the emotional need he filled for me at that particular moment?  Or was it his amazing wit, intellect and his ability to make me laugh?  Or was it the immediate comfort I felt whenever he was close and the feeling of being safe?  Or was it his inner "brokenness" I was able to intuit because it was hauntingly similar to the telltale scars born from my own pain?

Perhaps our incredible "moment" was only meant to be fleeting, yet his presence has never left me despite my best and most focused efforts to move forward on my journey.  I don't know what to do with these lingering thoughts of him and the brief magical moments we shared.  Fate is a cruel master - she shows you a glimpse of bliss and just as quickly snatches it away from you and then taunts you teasingly reminding you of the promise of what could have been.  I suppose that's the funny thing about journeys - even armed with the most thoroughly planned itinerary - life presents a detour.

Still  hopeful, we are left with only one promise about life - it goes on.      

"The Promise" by Tracy Chapman

 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EXpwd38W1Lk