Wind Chill Advisory and Unexpected Detours

We are currently under a wind chill advisory until tomorrow morning and school was cancelled due to the dangerously low temperatures.  So I am home - cold, alone and thinking.  The cold can be easily remedied by putting on my favorite cozy comfy blue sweater and thick woolly socks. The alone and thinking part may be not as easily remedied. When I find myself teetering at the ledge of that emotional precipice - I write.

I rather enjoy sitting here in the quiet alone with my thoughts.  In a little more than a month I'll turn 52 and I can honestly say I am not where I thought I would be at this stage of my life.  Being alone in my middle years wasn't exactly part of my plan; it's been an unexpected detour to say the least. While some parts of my life are absolutely wonderful - I have an incredibly exquisite grown daughter who amazes me everyday with her compassion, intellect and zest for life.  I consider myself so fortunate to be her mother.  I am blessed to work in a career that brings me untold joy and I feel like I am making a difference in this world - at least I hope I am to my students. I am lucky to have amazing caring friends who surround me with their love and support at every juncture of my life.  The only area that falls short is my romantic life or should I say my lack of one.  It's not for lack of trying either.  Since I rejoined the dating pool less than two short years ago I have met and enjoyed dates with some very interesting wonderful gentlemen.  But there is only ONE who I cannot seem to forget.  For reasons I do not fully understand our time together was cut short.

Like an inquisitive scientist I have dissected and analyzed every moment trying to understand and unravel the mystery of the undeniable pull he had over me. Was it the timing of our encounter and the emotional need he filled for me at that particular moment?  Or was it his amazing wit, intellect and his ability to make me laugh?  Or was it the immediate comfort I felt whenever he was close and the feeling of being safe?  Or was it his inner "brokenness" I was able to intuit because it was hauntingly similar to the telltale scars born from my own pain?

Perhaps our incredible "moment" was only meant to be fleeting, yet his presence has never left me despite my best and most focused efforts to move forward on my journey.  I don't know what to do with these lingering thoughts of him and the brief magical moments we shared.  Fate is a cruel master - she shows you a glimpse of bliss and just as quickly snatches it away from you and then taunts you teasingly reminding you of the promise of what could have been.  I suppose that's the funny thing about journeys - even armed with the most thoroughly planned itinerary - life presents a detour.

Still  hopeful, we are left with only one promise about life - it goes on.      

"The Promise" by Tracy Chapman

 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EXpwd38W1Lk